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February 03 2018

06:23
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iwanttobeafirefly:

✶ Firefly ✶

04:32

Obedience and “The Real World”

buttereyedbun:

I would like to apologize possible grammar mistakes in advance. English is not my native language. 

We spent the last weekend on a cottage we rented with a bunch of friends. We had agreed that during the weekend I wouldn’t have to do my regular chores (like doing the dishes etc.). I don’t know if things went wrong here. Didn’t we agree on things clearly enough? Anyhow, our weekend didn’t go as planned. 

This weekend’s purpose was to party and drink and have a good time and enjoy time with friends, we both knew that. On Friday, I drank a lot of wine. With hindsight, maybe too much. Sometime He came to me and told me to drink some water. I’m not sure what I responsed, but as you can probably guess, I did not have a glass of water. I might have taken more wine, though. 

At first, I didn’t notice anything strange. Later that night we were smoking cigarettes outside (just the two of us), and I couldn’t help but notice He was somehow acting weird. He said it was nothing, that he was just not getting that drunk although he had been drinking quite a lot of beer. I remember wondering (even being a little annoyed) his response for a while, but soon it was long gone. The night went on, everybody was having a good time and so on.

On Saturday I woke up terribly hungover. He was still acting weird. You know, like that kind of weird that no one else notices but you just know something is off. We were resting on our bed and I kept demanding Him to tell me what was wrong. He was clearly uncomfortable. Honestly, I was getting pretty frustrated, because at this point I didn’t understand/remember the whole thing. Finally, he said the words: “I just don’t like you when you’re drunk.” Ding, defense mode on. Frankly, I didn’t understand where His comment came from. When I asked Him to be more specific, He told me about last night. He had told me to have some water, but I did nothing. He gave me a direct order, and I decided not to listen. By this point, I had realized my mistake. Oh, fuck. I started to feel physically uncomfortable, like I wanted the earth to swallow me. I was so embarrassed. He told me that after He had noticed that I ignored the order, He was getting pretty annoyed. We were there, on a cottage, with over 20 other people. In other words, I disobeyed Him and He could not do anything about it. He told me, that the reason He doesn’t like to see me drunk is the lack of control He feels. He wants to be in control and seeing me like that makes Him feel really bad and sad. I was ready to die of shame. I understood that the situation was bad. Why didn’t I do as I was told? How did I even manage to bypass an order that clear? Even though I was freed from my usual chores the basic dynamic should be there. Always. I don’t want to use the wine as an excuse. Being drunk is no excuse. I can’t even describe how embarrassed I was. 

We both agreed that I needed to be punished and that I would get my punishment as soon as we would get home on Sunday.

On Sunday He put me on my knees so that my upper body laid on our bed. The tears started to flow after the first or second hit of His belt. Not so much because of pain, but because I had let Him down. After a few more strikes I was crying because of pain, too. I can’t remember how many belt strikes I got. I believe it was just the right amount. After the spanking He held me in His arms and I cried. I was happy it was now over and handled. 

I need to listen to Him more carefully. After all, I want Him to be in control. I chose Him to be in control. That thing shouldn’t change, no matter where we are and who we are with (or how much wine has been drunk).

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February 02 2018

23:55
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22:08
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December 22 2017

07:18
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bdslr365:

Dec 10, 2017

The last day of my visit with KillJoy- and before having a really fun rope scene, we worked on a different art project of mine.  I’m creating a series of photos to hang in my studio, and decided to get started since I don’t get to see KJ that often.

06:23
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December 01 2017

11:00
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10:05
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socialpsychopathblr:

Aliens need some fun too

09:09
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